yeah yeah

i cannot believe how tormented i have been over this job decision.oh well the my path is set,no turning back now.i will now be builder of performance engines.the plans for the regina highland games have been set,sean and i shall be trekking forth on that oh so exciting drive to regina,cannot wait he says sarcasticaly.i have been butting heads with everyone i know lately,i do not know why,might be man-o-pause or sumthing.i think i pissed of the womean i really want today but then again she has a boy friend so the point is moot i suppose.life should be easier.sometimes i wake up and i just do not see the point.i guess listening to tom waits whilst writing this does not help but raindogs is such a classic.well now tht i have cheered everyone up i shall go and finish cleaning up the piles of papers i pulled out to find what i could not find though i found a leaking bottle of photo fixer so i smell like a darkroom right now.may the gods smile upon you and may they give us better weather than this crap lately

blah

blahblah blah blah blahblahblah,blah,blah blahblah? blah blah-blah blahblah "blahblah blah,blahblah blahblah".so blah

no reason

i hurt therefor i am.getting out of bed is an exercise in agony but then again it has always been that way.i got slaughtered in my test today but then again so did everyone else but it was still a drag to be inadequite .monday i work at new job for a week to see if it is what blows my hair back.that is funny because the gods decided i should go bald at 26.i saw the object ofmy desires tonight but then again she is the object of every one elses desire so she can pick who she wants and i can gauruntee it will not be me.oh well that is nothing new.i need to grab the camera and go steal somethings soul but i just do not have the creative drive right now,it has desserted me.tomorrow i will throw cabers with sean so that will be good,it is always good to do something that makes other people stop and look on in awe,it is the exhibishinist in me,i cnnot spell tonight.i remeber years ago,leah called me up at one in the morning to tell me she had finished a painting that she had been working on for about a year.i was the first to see it as i went right over there,i was on night shift as a security gaurd so i zoomed over there.i remember thinking,wow i was the first she called to see part of her soul,that is what art is,but i did not tell her that.i just told her it was nice.i fucked up bad.we broke up shortly after that. i was so in love with her for calling me above everyone else but i did not tell her.jesse used to do that too,call me at 3 in the morning for someone to talk to.i never told her how much that meant to me either.we broke up.i guess in an attempt to not seem too wanting i seemed too distant.there was no third time to be a charm.wow this is a bit of a self loathing post.i loathe therefor i am.kinda work.i wish mighty mouse would come back,what a great show,my wings are a sheild of steel.i rode forth into battle and raised my sword to strike down the demon and stared into my own face.i used write stuff like that all the time.i reached forth for the light,fingers brushing it as i fell to the depths below.other stuf i used to write.now i am writing for its own sake,time to quit-good night

coffee is over,back to work,sigh

today

first thing they sent me across town to the painters with a 700 pound sign post.nice way to spend the first hour and a half at work,driving around in the sun.
the new saw came in just before lunch and i positioned it and leveled it,nice unit,hydraulic everything,will cut big stuff fast.everything you ever wanted n a band saw.
end of the day picked up an engine and loaded it on clayton's truck,no idea how he is gonna get it off.i once carried an engine out of a parts yard for all you can carry for 30 bucks day,people actually line the entrance to see that little stunt.won a pizza from a radio station that was there for the day,the dj was somewhat impressed so he decided i needed a grease wheel.
giving a thai massage tonight,that is pretty much it.

freedom

interesting word
let us say i get pissed off at the world,tell every one to fuck off because everything is grinding me,i cannot get a date,nothing goes right and i am just a forlorne bastard.
ok,we have that straight.i think i am shackled by my job,my relationships with others,my living conditions,so on,so on.
i want some freedom so in a fit of frustration i quit my job and drop off the radar.now i am free of toil.hmmm,rent comes due.
no job,i am free of my abode.
i have no place for my possesions so they go away and now i am free of them.
i am free of my vehicles because i left them on the street and the state does not like you using their streets for your own private storage lot so they relieve you of them even though you own them.now i am free of the freedom that those vehicles provided.
now i am pushing a shopping cart that i freed from safeway feely digging in garbage cans looking for free pop bottles.
so what lesson does one learn,we are only free in the context of our society and if you do not or do not wish to fit in,you are truly screwed.
happy picking bottles.

out there

it is much to nice to be inside chained to a milling machine today,i am trying to convince them to send me on deliveries but it is not working-bastards

stage beauty

rented it
liked it
nice little flick

not what to do

yesterday
2 slurpees
pack of mentos
one half chocolate cheese cake
15 chocolatechip cookies
various other little sugar filled things

today
headache from hell

in the shop

small town boy by bronski beat comes on the radio and clayton,my supervisor asks how many gay boys commited suicide to this song.i ask back how many women he had sex with to this song.his reply was a smile that made the chesire cat's grin look like a smirk -------BAD BAD BAD

wednsday

on wednsday i start giving thai massage again,this should be interesting,have not done it in awhile.

the past

first combat exercise,we had been slogging all over the red water training area all day then were told to dig in.so we spend a couple hours digging these nice trenches,we were a communications unit so speed was not our priority and then went down to sleep for a couple of hours.at dusk we were ordered into our trenches and told to hold the perimeter.now when we were setting up defences,me and my trench partner had this bright idea to set up a smoke grenade in the trees that were about 50 yards in front of our trench.we set a trip wire and then forgot about the thing.they left us in the trenches for about an hour,a bunch of nervous and very green recruits looking at dark trees in an even darker night,no sounds but our shuffles and whispers.it was a very long hour.then,then you say,yes then there was a loud pop and a streak heavenwards and blam,let there be light.paraflare.you have to experience one to know how sureal everything is under the light of a paraflare.they are exceedingly bright but vey pin-point,all the shadows are long,everything is erie,we are all staring up,gape mouthed,effectively destroying our night vision.what come out of the night you ask,the end by the doors.weird light,you are in a trench in the middle of the night and the doors are playing in the distance,very disturbing.all of a sudden random small arms fire behind us,yelling,shit happening and all we could do is try and make out shapes in the shadows and stay in our trench.pop,someone tripped the smoke grenade we nailed to the tree out in the grove in front of us.out of the trees comes this bank of smoke,weirdly effective in the night just adding to the sum total of bizzarness of the evening.it was a way to spend a saturday night.

more stuff on my tool box

if you scream at the sky,be prepared to have it fall on you

stuff i have written on my toolbox

if you are looking for absolution,do not look to me,i need it myself

poetry

i looked up to scream at the sky and a bird shit in my eye

thoughts

i was on the roof of a 20 story tower downtown,just hanging out in the middle of night shift and i found myself looking over the edge down at a mini van parked at the back door.i started wondering what it would feel like to fall and hit the van.it was not a suicide thing,it was pure curiosity.i caught myself actually inching over the edge,i was so intrigued at the thought of falling,my body started acting with out my consent.i came very close to going over,when i realised what was happening and stopped myself,it took a long time to slow my heart down.that night my life nearly ended for the sake of curiosity,strange how things happen

the thrill of work

i countersunk about 1000 holes today,after about 500 i was praying an airplane would fall on the building and put me out of my misery. only 30 more years of work to look forward to. yay

the brighter side

just remember that while the gods may be pissing on your head,a least they cannot kick you in the crotch because they are holding on to their wangs

banging my head against the wall

still cannot figure how to up load pics,totally frustrating

it is true

i work with a fillapino guy -he has 3 nipples,god's truth, he showed me

what to do

just got offerd a new job,far more interesting but less money. this is one of those life decsions that are extremely hard to make. i am torn-what to do-what to do-what to do-what to do

brilliant

"I'm willing to bet that there are no studies that prove that having a Chuck Taylor inserted half way up your ass is excruciatingly painful but you wouldn't want to test that theory would you?"- Jason Ferruggia

movie time

i am off to rent a movie,sideways is out,it looks amusing. a nice little british flick would also fit the bill

uh huh

a red calf was born in isreal,if it stays pure red in a couple years time,it will be sacrificed signalling the coming of the messiah,the retun of the messiah and the beginning of the apocalypse or the begining of a jihad depending which religion you belong to there by turning the middle east into a ticking time bomb. this is not a joke. it is like a bunch of kids in a sand box fighting for nothing. the serch for the red calf was partialy funded by christian cattle ranchers from texas because they are hot and horny to see the second coming. these are adults,my only comment to them all is FUCK OFF

the season is coming

well highland games season is almost upon us,the soothing sounds of myriad bagpipes filling the air,like a chourus of angels.

some one i met

last year i was in winnipeg for a highland games and i met this woman,she was part of the organizing crew.now she had been in a car accident and her face got severely damaged. down the right side starting just above the eye and continuing down past her mouth was a scar that was about 3/8 of an inch thick and extremely prominant. the amazing thing was she was not self conscience of it at all,i remember thinking that most people would probably want to run and hide but her,i do not think it affected her at all. her self confidance was so apparent that i could not even imagine her with out the scar. i watched her that evening because lets face it,as a species,humans are pretty vain,guys might like scars as it makes them look more rugged but i am pretty sure women are not big on them.she was so comfortable with her self,she had oodles of charisma that it did not matter what happened to her,her personality over-ruled every thing else. she was pretty cool,i hope to go to winnipeg again this year and meet up with her again

refreshment

i shall meander across the road for a cool scintillating beverage,a coke slurpee methinks,just in case you cared.

past life

yes it is true-i was a bike courier

musings

why do people get along with some and not others. personality is this intangible thing that is almost impossible to define. you can have two people with almost the exact same characteristics yet one would be described as confident and the other an arrogant prick. it is almost like we are born with a stamp on our forehead,you all will love,you over there take what you can get. maybe it also has to do with that some people need validation for every thing they do and cannot percieve that people would like them better if they just would not try so hard. i have been guilty of this in my time. just watching people and interacting with them,it is entirely too obvious that charisma is not dealt out on an equal basis. i guess it is like everything else ,life is just more fair to some than others.

a rant

prepare thy self-this is a rant ok,me and big dave l. are doing some caberwork,not tossing but carry and control stuff. now most of the edmonton boys throw at rollie miles field which is supposed to be a track and field facility only they do not like throwers there or high jumpers or any one but runners for that matter. so we are back in the throwing corner and i just pick the caber as this 50 something dipshit come streaking across the field carrying his bag and coat.guess where he stops to put his coat on,yes you guessed,directly in my line. dave yells out for the guy to move while i am standing there balancing a 16 and a half foot stick. he ignores dave and stands there putting on his coat while i stare at him in disbelief in my quasimoto stance. he gets his coat on,picks up his bag and then continues to run across the field.i should of threw the caber at him,dave and i could not believe how stupid and disrespectful this guy was,but what can you expect from a runner,mentality of cattle. on the brighter side,i e-mailed roger at atomic athletic and he told me if i want a basque stone lifting cylinder he would be happy to make me one. i love that man(in a manly way of course)

today

quasi eventful day. first thing was told that do not look like a massage therapist,and that i was too scary looking to be one.how charming is that.anyways i do not get the little rmt after my name for another 1.5 years.
next since the other machinist decides to go to china for a month,i get to run 3 machines on 4 projects,i wanto build space shuttle parts,instead it is store fixtures i get to make for stores i am not even allowed into.
945 power outage,truck driver hits power pole down the way and shorts out te entire industrial park. if the power was not back on by noon they were gonna send us all home,1130 power shows up,damn epcor and their efficiancy.

played around with posting pics on this site,whatever.

pulled out the cabers,a winter of no caber tossing makes it really interesting when you stand that stick up for the first time of the season-it's good to be strong

ate a pizza and did laundry,my god my life is exciting.

well now you are up to date,how did you live thus far without knowing all this?

time

it is shortly after 10,another day is gone. sometimes just thinking about the passage of time is so oppressive it drains me completely. i think i will just shut up and go to bed

evil evil girl guides-it's a conspiracy

just ate an entire box of girl guide cookies,they are going straight to my ass.

they tempt you with thier insidious baked goods and then you gorge and get fat and complacent and when every one is passed out after they go hyperglycemic,the girl guides pounce and take over the world and form the new order

hmmmm

daylight savings time,what do you say about it. i wish i were in honolulu,they do not do daylight savings time there.honolulu is nice.i was there on april 3rd last year and the year before.now i am depressed

stones

so i have sean's 220 granite sphere in my living room. thursday morning ,got out of the shower and decided i had to look up basque stone lifting on the net.well after that i eyeball the big marble on my living room floor,go over and pop it into my lap and just sit there in a squat feeling the power of that stone.i was late for work


if you have to ask you will never understand

sin city

saw it friday afternoon,left work so i could catch it with one of the guys.get a call last night from another friend,hey lets go see sin city------------------ok

what can i say about that cinematic milestone,whether you love it or hate it it has set the bar

you go see and form your own opinion

my beast

i see my renault languishing out back waiting to be free once again.i might put the battery back in and take for a booge,i love that car,it is like me,a wreck,incomplete,missing parts,sometimes hates starting. but it is my car and it will run forever and there is something about french cars that makes you love and hate them at the same time c'est bon

regarding previous post

i might point out i fall in love way to easy but i guess it is better to feel pain and longing than feel nothing at all

the gods pissing on my head

i love her but it cannot be declared and i shall be left wanting,fuck i hate life sometimes