frustration

i have had what i want in my hands but mine it will not be.all sorts of shit goes down in this world and all of bad things happen to people but the only reference we know is our own personal scope.and a lot of times our scope is nothing short of tragedy.in the big picture it is pretty meaningless but when you are down in the trenches that little bit of frustration mounts and mounts and you are pretty sure that the world will stop spinning if it does not turn around soon.it is easier to lament about whatyou do not have than it is to appreciate what you do have,i suppose this is what drives us all forward,being satisfied is not a trait exhibited very often in humans.

this was the catalyst for the whole stonelifter thing.the marble on my shoulder weighs 321 pounds.when i shouldered it finally,the sense of empowerment i had was staggering.that was a good day.

hah

some people say i am apathetic,but really i do not give a shit.

pics

ok from the last time my computer crashed i lost all my scans so i now have about 40 hours of scanning ahead of me.i will post pics as i digitize them,my millions of negs.

we were seriously bored one day

too funny

me in the old shop

honolulu

kinda figured it out

now i can kinda post pics oooh ahhh

i am not pretty when i throw
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above honolulu,the clouds are coming from the north shore
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does it work
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toothpaste rules

squeese some into your laundry and it kills all odours.
well,what shall we talk about today.
the queen was here yay,i am indifferent.
i woke up today hating life,that is all too common.
i looked at other peoples blogs today,man people are only too eager to shit on other people for there own opinions.so i stopped looking.
i am an iconoclast and i like to argue.
i am at work doing stuff to a big block 455 pontiac engine wondering why anyone would want to put something this big and ponderous in the front of a car.
my knee hurts,rehab is gonna take a while.
learning anatomy is tiresome at times.
i want more but i have no idea how to get it.
i want less and life to be simpler but do not know how to cut back.
i hate interacting with people because i am not good at it.
i want to be around people all the time.
it is true,i am conflicted.
i am a retard sometimes.
i wish aliens would land,that would be interesting as long as they are not into anal probing.
are we ever the person we wish to be?

regina

weather was nice,could not believe it,i tanked the games completely,oh well such is life.got to drive all the drunks around afterwards,fun weekend none the less.always next year

road trip

well we are off to regina,got the beef jerky,the twizzlers and the red bull.got my kilt and am ready to play. have a good weekend all.

rant

so every morning i dive up cornet road now,is it law that every fucking retard in a minivan on the planet must drive up that road when i am on it.

really

they say the head of jesus christ is under a pillar in the rossyln chappel in scotland.put that in your pipe and smoke it.

more musings

two weeks,37 years,fuck me it is trickling away

musings

the thing i miss about my last relationship the most is the morning showers. washing each other is one of the most intimate things you can do.i remember how content i would be with just that every morning,a sense that you filled your mates needs.i miss that simple act so much.

long winded

i was over on hailey's blog and she has this pic of her with a glowing neon cross,great pic ,and that got me opening doors in the recesses of my mind.way back when i had this thought ,wouldn't be great if gods were real.i devoted a lot of time to this line of thought.it is easy to understand why ancient people assigned gods to the world around them.besides bragging rights,my god is better than yours,it allowed them to explain events regardless if they were good or bad but it was an explanation.my thought process was more than this,what if the gods were real and we knew it.praying to your particular god may or may not yeild results but you know the possibility exists.this goes hand in hand with thinking it would be neat if magic was real.it would be.but back to the original line,if the gods existed,no speculation,we knew for fact,how the world would be different.knowing that if you were an asshole and some prayed hard enough thier god might decide that you need to be tuned,and would the god you prayed to intervene.and what happenes when a god goes on a bender and wreaks a little havoc,is there gonna be a rumble in god land .i gues the whole line of reasoning would be that you know something is out there.an answer to that why are we here question that inevitably gets asked when everything goes to shit.at least life would be slightly more interesting if a diety popped up on your porch and said he was bored and was just checking out things in the trenches.as it stands a large part of the world is involved in monotheism but niether the christian or muslim god have time for their followers and their followers might state that their god is watching but they certainly do not act like it.yes if there were real gods that opened a can of whoop ass on you every time you were a dink,the world would be a differnt place.a better on,i cannot tell you.

note to self

i have let myself get weak.i must not allow this to happen again.

time to get ones shit together

time to start training again,the stones can wait forever but i cannot.i am gonna try and get up to 20 reps with the 190 pound sphere,off the floor to high chest.the fun part that i cannot drop the big marble in my apartment so they have to be controlled lifts.just makes me stronger,any asshole can drop the stone,putting down under control,that is edge that takes you a little further.the new job is neither here nor there,i am pretty much neutral about it right now,we will see.i am getting quite the clientel in my massage practicums,it remains to be seen how many will come back when it is not free.everyone gives me the highest praise,as i told a client last night,i just do what i want done that most massage therapist do not do and thus far every one is digging it.i keep looking at my pile of pics and negs and do nothing about them,there is no drive aaaaarrrrrgh.one day and maybe i will figure out how to post pics too,fucking computers.i must lift now,good bye

school

i recieved a complement at school,both my instructers said they where watching me perform and stated that i give a good strong massage.they were both nodding as this was being said so they seemed to like what i was doing.kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy getting a little validation.

it is time

on the dawn of tommorow i start my new job.my tool box is over there already,a new chapter begins.this tenacious throat thing is grinding me is the worst way,every one and their dog has it, mine is particularly painful and i am tired of horking up loogeys every 5 minutes.another week has gone by and i have failed to find love.regina next weekend,should be a fun road trip.the guys are all happy because i do not drink so they can get wrecked at the ceiligh and i can drive them out of there,i guess it is good to be useful.there is cough syrup all over my keyboard.found a monster magnet cd,man they could rock,i made a mix for the truck,bronske beat,jewel,no doubt,monster magnet,mason williams.i like to be diverse.i ramble,i go bed now.

holy shit

what in gods green earth do they put in benylin.ended up with a massive sore throat and 2 new clients coming over so i decide to get the stuff to depress the symptoms for a while.everything went well but i am totaly fucked up.i am dizzy when in stand up to quick,feel totaly disjointed,feel like a big marshmallow.not liking this at all.i think i have a buzz.people do this for fun? thank fuck i do not drink because this feeling sucks.

light

i love the light on nights like this,colour is so saturated and every thing is so intense even though it is dark out.

rant of doom,doom's rant

regina looms ever closer,me,big jimmy and sean are piling into sean domestic mode of transport and zooming to the hinterland they call saskbush.yay.was throwing today and had to take that one last pull,could not stop when my hand started to get a little raw,nooooooo,and i paid for it,callous on my pinky decided that it would leave my hand with the implement.came home,poured hydrogen peroxide all over my wounds,cried like a little girl,just could not stop when i knew better,fucking idiot.just call me edward sissy hands.i have two new clients hitting my massage table on wedensday and my right hand looks like hamburger,fucking idiot.this is the last week at my old job,i have been uber restless since i gave my notice,change is most difficult,I AM NOT IN MY COMFORT ZONE.on the brighter side of things,haily says that i say she is hot,well i called her a cryptic creature and that to her equates to being hot so i guess i called her hot,hey i just go with it,works for me.the episode at the keg was kinda amusing,my friend chris is all liquored up and behind the bar is this new bartender named erin,and since my name is aaron chris thinks it is funny to ask erin if she has a boyfriend,she replies no so he promptly says aaron here is single.somewhat embarrasing then later that night i am home and the phone rings,it is erin,chris dialed my number and handed the phone to her as he was still at the bar.some what akward,gotta love inebriated friends.i got nothing else,night night

how it was

there was a time when your position in life was set in stone.harsh that may sound,life was much easier,you had no choice.the pesent offers no end of chances and if you are not secure in yourself you will flounder in indecision

wind

only a fool tries to fight the wind.it is a battle that cannot be won.the wind can never lose but then again,the wind does not care.

cryano debergerac

ah cryano you were a fool,you had her love,all you had to do was tell her the truth and she would have forgiven you.it was enough for you just to be close to her,i could not of borne such closness without touching her.where you reveled in her presence,it would have destroyed me.

i am not in the right way

i am tired and every thing is dragging me down arrrgh.oh well i shall endure.i shall do some push presses and maybe some snatches and get all hot and sweaty,maybe i will feel better,i have been letting my lifting slide and now my ass wil look fat in my kilt and that is just bad form,pun intended.

hmmmmm

i give notice this morning,should be interesting.most tradesmen just pack up and leave without any warning but i am not most tradesmen and the company has treated me well.i should call in sick.

to fly high

icarus pushed the envelope to be sure and he paid dearly for it but before his altitude record attempt put an end to him he touched the face of his god.was it worth it,maybe,maybe not but he will always be remembered for reaching high which is more than can be said for most of us.