no reason

i hurt therefor i am.getting out of bed is an exercise in agony but then again it has always been that way.i got slaughtered in my test today but then again so did everyone else but it was still a drag to be inadequite .monday i work at new job for a week to see if it is what blows my hair back.that is funny because the gods decided i should go bald at 26.i saw the object ofmy desires tonight but then again she is the object of every one elses desire so she can pick who she wants and i can gauruntee it will not be me.oh well that is nothing new.i need to grab the camera and go steal somethings soul but i just do not have the creative drive right now,it has desserted me.tomorrow i will throw cabers with sean so that will be good,it is always good to do something that makes other people stop and look on in awe,it is the exhibishinist in me,i cnnot spell tonight.i remeber years ago,leah called me up at one in the morning to tell me she had finished a painting that she had been working on for about a year.i was the first to see it as i went right over there,i was on night shift as a security gaurd so i zoomed over there.i remember thinking,wow i was the first she called to see part of her soul,that is what art is,but i did not tell her that.i just told her it was nice.i fucked up bad.we broke up shortly after that. i was so in love with her for calling me above everyone else but i did not tell her.jesse used to do that too,call me at 3 in the morning for someone to talk to.i never told her how much that meant to me either.we broke up.i guess in an attempt to not seem too wanting i seemed too distant.there was no third time to be a charm.wow this is a bit of a self loathing post.i loathe therefor i am.kinda work.i wish mighty mouse would come back,what a great show,my wings are a sheild of steel.i rode forth into battle and raised my sword to strike down the demon and stared into my own face.i used write stuff like that all the time.i reached forth for the light,fingers brushing it as i fell to the depths below.other stuf i used to write.now i am writing for its own sake,time to quit-good night