Monday, August 29, 2005

once again

was in high river on saturday-that's right the day of saturn,saturn's day-you got a problem with that huh huh? yeah that's right shut up. so i am down in high river and the massage therapist from last year is there. she remembers me,this made me happy as part of the reason for attending these games was to hit on her. i talked to her for about 3 hours across the day and got her to do work on me,my god can this girl inflict pain,i fell in love with her for just that.we talked about this and that and massage therapy and she has so much going for her,intelligent,beautiful personality,serene,nice looking-i am a troll.she lives in vulcan and i am in edmonton.that alone kills it all.maybe she will call me who knows but i am not holding my breath,it would be nice though.whatever,more disapointment to tally up.

Thursday, August 25, 2005


all men are created equal-just that some are more equal than others -cannot remember who said this one

piss on you god you are not fair after all -dan

(said in your best jackie stewart accent) any one ever said you skate like eric hiedan? noooo that is because you don't -said by my friend clayton to me whilst we where speed skating at victoria park oval

do not hate me because i am beautiful,hate me because my penis is bigger than yours -just heard it,thought it was funny

(said in your best scottish accent) at seventeen and a half stone,he is a virtual lighthouse of a man -david webster

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

holly's wish

holly requests on her blog that i do this quiz thingy-what holly wants holly gets

seven things i want to do before taking the dirt nap:

1-find a girlfriend
2-finish my car
3-throw in scotland
4-win the lottery
5-go to iceland
6-see man go to the moon again
7-figure out what the fuck is going on

seven things i can do:

1-ride a unicycle
2-pick up 200 pounds with my teeth
3-sit in a hot tub while it is 30 above
5-photograph when the mood grabs me
6-be a good massage therapist(remains to be seen those who tell me i am good will pay when i actually get to charge for my services)
7-throw a caber

seven things i cannot do:

1-find a girlfriend
2- bow down to convention
3-resist procrastinating
4-resist a slurpee
5-have meaningful interaction with most people(i am somewhat socialy inept)
6-have a realistic sense of time
7-know when to quit

seven thing that attract me to the opposite sex:

1-hair(long or short but suits the individual)
2-well developed hamstrings
3-an athletic build
4-dark eyes
6-wears flat shoes(i despise high heels and what they do to a womans body,tilted pelvis any one)
7-she who is totally comfortable with her self

seven things i say the most:

1-fuck me
4-ok who is the fuck head
5-hmm his estrogen is high

seven celebs i have a crush on:

1-audry hepburn
2-elle mcpherson(she was hot in the day,still is)
3-elena lev(she did the hoops act in cirque du soliel,what an awesome performer)
4-juliette binoche
5-joey-lauren adams
6-michelle yeoh
7-holly robson(hah you knew i was gonna put that in there,i kill me)

seven people i wish to take this quiz:

no one actually plus i do not even know seven people willing to do this.

there you go now i go bed.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


he whipered in her ear "i do not exist" and walked away never looking back. she watched him go with a mixture of pain and realization that this moment had always been coming. he walked,she watched both knowing they could not have each other.

Monday, August 22, 2005

thai massage

the cobra

it looks nasty but feels way good,i have got to start doing the thai massage thing again

Sunday, August 21, 2005


went a squatting-365 went up,i am gunning to break that all time record from my early 20's-540 pounds.maybe by new years,twood be nice.

now i think i shall hang about in my gravity boots doing an impression of a bat to decompress the spine and then go get some at 1000 miles a minute,can you not feel the excitement?

Saturday, August 20, 2005


i look at the clock and watch the second hand go round.
time is so intangible but we all want more and it can never be gotten back

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

history as we do not know it

king richard the lion heart could not speak english,only french

henry ford did not invent the automobile,he invented the assembly line

moby dick was based on a true life whaling ship,the essex, that got rammed and sunk by a sperm whale

michealangelo was ambidextrous which explains his huge body of work,he could work in any position.

the day the bastille was stormed there were less than 10 prisoners in it.

to cross the north atlantic,you are never more than 125 miles from land

lookey lookey

you can almost see under my kilt

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

tiny plaid ninjas

shoot zombies in the face

other peoples children

two of the guys i throw with have new children.i am quite good with them,they like coming to me and both of the guys wives trust me completely with them. they both coment that i should have children of my own.what they do not understand is that when the 2 boys get fidgety or grumpy or i have to do something else i give them is not the same as having your own children.i may be good with them but i also only have them for maybe a half hour at a time and that is enough for now.

when you know it is over

my last girlfriend was working on her computer,she was a graphic artist,i was sitting on a chair in the opposite corner of the room. ilooked up at her and my exact words were"wanna fuck". she says sure and we go into the bedroom and proceed to have the most mechanical sex ever. it was absolutely lacking in any kind of passion. i sweated on top of her for about 5 minutes,blew my load, pulled out,we cleaned up and she went back to her computer and i went back to my chair. it was like a scene out of a sureal movie. it was over about a week later,that is my last memory of sex.


about 10 years ago i am sitting in the keg at the bar with the boys and someone comes up with a tub of playdough,do not ask me why they had it. any how people start fooling around with it and making stupid things out of finally comes my way and since i have dabbled in sculpting i started creating these faces and little sculptures,just fooling around. now the waitress who untill then would not even give me the time of day saw what i was up to and started hanging off of me. before i was an untouchable and now i am a leaning post because a made a couple of faces in clay. what changed? nothing. for some reason this irked me to no end,actually i am still pissed about it,people are so fickle.

i couldnt help it

so way back when in a previous life i aquired a heart rate moniter. so in the interest of science the girlfriend at the time suggests i wear it whilst we were having sex so she could see how fast she could get my heart going. this was a mistake. seems during copulation my heat rate drops quite a bit. this did not please her. oh no i was accused of not liking sex with her and she took it as a personal affront that my ticker was not on the verge of exploding. what do you do,one cannot control how ones body reacts can one now.

Monday, August 15, 2005

to be broken

i have been broken twice in my life,once at 18 from a summer of over training,i was utterly desolate but i kept going thinking i could work through it but i finally broke and was messed up for a while.the second time was 5 years ago,overtime out the wassoo,i despised the guy i was working for and the pressure was bruttal,order after order kept pouring in and this retard kept flipping me job to job so i would never complete anything.hoplessness was the watch word of the day.i was actually driven to tears. the fucked up part was that i knew i was breaking and i watched myself disconnectedly as i crumbled. kind of a weird feeling. now as i get older i do not care,i just push through the day and wait for it to end so i can start again,happy happy joy joy.


found a disc of hawaii highland games stuff,i so want to go back,honolulu is such a great town and the game might be small but the people are great and you are on waikiki ,is there anything better?

Sunday, August 14, 2005


humans have 4 muscles attached to their ears. horses have 13 since they display emotion through them.humans use their faces.

the higher up the chain the less bones make up the skull. some fish have over 100 bones composing their skulls,reptiles are in the 70 range,primitive mammels about 40 and humans have 22.

the tempromandibular joint,where your jaw attaches to the rest of you skull forming your cake hole is the most used joint in the body moving 2-3ooo times a day.

a girrafes lung capacity is nearly 12 gallons

the loudest snore ever recorded was 69 decibels

not every one has 12 pair of ribs,some have 11 or 13 pairs or just une extra rib one one side

a giraffe only has 5 cervical vertabrae which measure around 11 inches each

a horses head and neck can weigh up to 300 pounds,it's ligamentum nuchae keeps the head in the upright position,a horse has to use muscle power to drop it's head.

no more facts for you

Saturday, August 13, 2005


well throwing the kilt on for the innaugural beaumont highland games today.well acctually it is a heavy events with a dancing demo but there is hope it will spawn into the full meal deal.hopefully it will not rain upon us that we might hurl unmolested.i wonder what you have to sacrifice to the weather gods? a couple goats? a kentuckey fried chicken? someone you do not like?

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

lockheed nf 104

in dec 1963 major rw smith got in this plane and drove it in excess of 120 000 feet straight up. must of been quite the ride


she wrapped her arms around me and told me she would die without me.i was scared,why was she saying this to me.i did not reply and fell experience in love so i chose to let it go by because i had no idea i should do was little things like this that i paid little attention to but she never forgot that resulted in a bad breakup.all i ever wanted was someone to be there when i needed it,and to be there when she needed it,some one to touch.

this thing is huge

run for the hills the ligers are coming


it only weighs 73 pounds

and yes i caught it


this is about nothing

i think they should bring back bat fink,awesome cartoon
i am not motivated
i would like to have lazy sunday afternoon sex but my hand keeps falling asleep
the best part of a relationship is taking showers together and cleaning each other
winter is coming
time goes faster as you get older,you will say that it is only perception but no time speeds up
people who do not drive with intent should be eliminated
if it takes a machine to keep you alive,you should be dead
if you are 80,you should not be getting a heart transplant
fat people should not be wearing lycra-ever
quantity of life is not a substitute for quality of life
change for changes sake is assinine
do not buy little yellow rubber bands to say you support cancer-go give money to cancer research directly,nobody needs to know you did this except you,did you ever think you are paying for administration costs for these bands plus polluting the earth with all that fucking yellow rubber
foamy would agree with that last statement
i am tired

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

cool cool
this looks awesome
this too
check out the cinematography on this one

strong man contest at taste of edmonton

ok a couple weeks ago us dude in the scottish assoc. volunteered at a strongman contest .a local radio station was on hand with their promo smart cars so big sean and i decide to see if we would fit

and look at the size of this thing,it is a liger,the unholy union of a lion and tiger

here kitty kitty who wants to change the kitty litter

new harry potter book

read it in a day and a half,i cannot believe the end

tag your it

seems andrea is tagging everyone little game of finding out about people.ok i can play your game.

what were you doing ten years ago-last time i had sex.broke up with my girl friend and was a courier at that time.

5 years ago-was machining store fixtures for louis vuiton,just got the job,got me out of the couier buisness after 8 years.

2 years ago-first time i ever left the country,went to honolulu fo a highland games,hawaii is an awesome place,the people are so laid back,great place to go.

yesterday-worked and suffered from post workout sorness.

today-worked and now i am doing this and am also getting pissed of because my blog is getting spammed.

5 bands i like-rush,sum 41,leonard cohen,wassabi collective,tom waits

5 locations i would like to escape to-hawaii,scotland,iceland,the moon,mars

5 bad habits-only 5? swear too much,extremely iconoclastic,unfocused,procrastinate a lot,can be clingy

5 things i like doing-people watching,competing in my chosen sport,day dreaming,watching movies,day dreaming

5 famous people i would like to meet-richard burton(the explorer not the actor),henry the first,einstien,henry miller,yosuf karsh

biggest joy in my life-nothing at this point

favourite toy-whatever hold my attention for more than 5 minutes(gemini thing)

5 people i wish to tag-no one,i just do not do things like that.

Sunday, August 07, 2005


ok went down to the gym with one of the guys i throw with,sean.decieded to throw squats and deadlifts back into the routine,once a week sunday mornings.well still have my form,i look like a machine squatting,like a piston,up down up to build strength the best method is 3-5 reps at above 80% of maximum perferably in the 90% range.this works for most people,not me.that sucks.workouts have to be longer because i have to really crank up the volume.the sucky part of this is lactic acid.low rep training sorness is not an issue.high rep like i have to do,the next 3 days will be so much fun,sitting on the toilet will be exlporations in new dimensions of pain,squats pound my ass and hamstrings in an unbelievable fashion-hmm that sounds somewhat homo erotic.anyways that was my fun today and now i am all rubbery legged and can hardly wait for tommorrow morning..i know,i will take enough ibuprofen that i shit a pint of blood but i will feel damn good.

Saturday, August 06, 2005


read an article ,seems that if you are truly honest and offer a true picture of youself to others you will be less successful with getting mates and promotions.seem we were born to be decietful,the bigger the brain in relationship to the body in the animal kingdom the bigger the liar you will be.this all explains so much.

the article is in this months scientific america's mind issue if you wish to peruse it.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

good relaxing music

rosenberg trio fits the bill nicely

the devils

so i watched it,it is an uncut version with scenes that where cut out because of their nasty content.kinda makes you wanna wash you eyes out with bleach-outstanding

truly a movie that you will not forget,vanessa redgrave has several scenes where she hallucinates and they are super fucked up. when the inqisition interogates her,you just cringe-nasties my precious